Roger Ebert Is Hilarious

Roger Ebert has a book of his negative reviews and below are some gems.

Maybe another 200 cigarettes would have helped; coughing would be better than some of this dialogue.-'200 Cigarettes'

"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."-'Armageddon'

"That creature is called The Licker because it has a nine-foot tongue. At one point it has its tongue nailed to the track and is dragged along the third rail. I hate when that happens."-'Resident Evil'

"She and Daredevil are powerfully attracted to each other, and even share some PG-13 sex, which is a relief, because when superheroes have sex at the R level, I am always afraid someone will get hurt."-'Daredevil'

"It was W. C. Fields who hated to appear in the same scene with a child, a dog, or a plunging neckline--because nobody in the audience would be looking at you. Jennifer Aniston has the same problem in this movie even when she's in scenes all by herself." -'Picture Perfect'

"'Pearl Harbor' is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle."-'Pearl Harbor'

"Pamela Anderson Lee, while not a great actress, is a good sport. She's backlit in endless scenes where, if she could have figured out a way to send her breasts in separately, she could have stayed at home."-'Barb Wire'

"On the first page of my notes, I wrote 'Starts slow.' On the second page, I wrote 'Boring.' On the third page, I wrote 'Endless!' On the fourth page, I wrote: 'Bite-size shredded wheat, skim milk, cantaloupe, frozen peas, toilet paper, salad stuff, pick up laundry.'"-'Exit to Eden'

"After his big speech, the courtroom doors open up, and who walks in? All those bald little chemotherapy kids Patch cheered up earlier. And yes, dear reader, each and every one is wearing a red rubber nose. Should these kids be out of bed? Their immune systems are shot to hell. If one catches cold and dies, there won't be any laughing during the malpractice suit. "-'Patch Adams'

"Eventually the secret of Those, etc., is revealed. To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes. It's a crummy secret, about one step up the ladder of narrative originality from It Was All a Dream. It's so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore. And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backwards out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets."-'The Village'

10 Worst Christmas Movies Ever

This is a rough one for me because there are some bad movies on this list but there are also some classic. How could you put Miracle on 34th Street on the same list as Fred Claus??

Click here and enjoy anyway!

3 Things To Know This Tuesday

1. Obama has "pec-tacular" vacation. (creepy)

2. Four calves of the world's rarest species of rhino found in jungle.

3. The Pope compares homosexuality to climate change.


Delgo Or The Worst Movie Opening Ever

This weekend a movie opened nationwide on 2,160 screens and I guarantee you didn't hear a word about it. You have heard of some of the people in it (Freddie Prinze Jr., Jennifer Love Hewitt, Val Kilmer, Malcolm McDowell, Kelly Ripa, and Anne Bancroft). So how could this movie have had the worst movie opening ever?

It is actually a pretty cool story about a guy who decided he would not involve Hollywood (except for the stars) and create an animated film. He paid to have it released on his own. It made $511,920. If you do the math at $8.00 a ticket that comes out to an average of 2 people in ever showing of the movie over the weekend. Ouch.

Click here to read a yahoo news story about it.

3 Things To Know This Tuesday

1. Arena football cancels entire 2009 season.

2. Even Best Buy is losing.

3. ABCNews calls shoe thrower a "folk hero".




Swaptree.com is great! You basically trade the stuff (Books, Cds, Movies, Video Games) you don't want anymore for stuff you do want and its free. It is worth checking out. Go and sign up, type in some of the stuff you dont want and look at all the stuff you can get in return for it. enjoy.

Click here to try it out.

Top 10 Reality Seasons

This is a list created by Jarett Wieselman from Popwrap the New York Post entertainment blog. I like it because it has some obscure stuff on it like Sorority Life. Also I learned that Kristin Wiig was on The Joe Schmo Show which makes me wish I watched it now. If you follow the link below the list you can read that actual post that contains some good commentary.

Big Brother 2

Sorority Life: Season One

America's Next Top Model: Cycle 6

So You Think You Can Dance: Season 3

The Joe Schmo Show

Survivor Borneo

Real World: Boston

Laguna Beach: Season 2

Project Runway: Season 2

Road Rules: Season 1

Click here to read it in more detail (with funny comments).

3 Things To Know This Friday

1. Barack Obama to decide the future of NASA.

2. Zoo-born female elephants live a median of 16.9 years in zoos, while those in the wild make it to 56!

3. Auto bailout dead.


Golden Globe Nominees (and my early picks)

The Golden Globes nominations were announced this morning and I have the major categories below. The bold ones are my picks (and just so you know they are based on nothing).

Best Movie, Drama
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Reader
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire

Best Movie, Comedy
Burn After Reading
In Bruges
Mamma Mia!
Vicky Chrisina Barcelona

Best TV Show, Drama
In Treatment
Mad Men
True Blood

Best TV Show, Comedy
30 Rock
The Office

Best Film Actress, Drama
Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie, "Changeling"
Meryl Streep, "Doubt"
Kristin Scott Thomas, "I've Loved You So Long"
Kate Winslet, "Revolutionary Road"

Best Film Actor, Drama
Leonardo DiCaprio, "Revolutionary Road"
Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn, "Milk"
Brad Pitt, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler"

Best Film Actress, Musical or Comedy
Rebecca Hall, "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Sally Hawkins, "Happy-Go-Lucky"
Frances McDormand, "Burn After Reading"
Meryl Streep, "Mamma Mia!"
Emma Thompson, "Last Chance Harvey"

Best Film Actor, Musical or Comedy
Javier Bardem, "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Colin Farrell, "In Bruges"
James Franco, "Pineapple Express"
Brendan Gleeson, "In Bruges"
Dustin Hoffman, "Last Chance Harvey"

Best Animated Movie
Kung-Fu Panda

Best Film Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Viola Davis, "Doubt"
Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler"
Kate Winslet, "The Reader"

Best Film Supporting Actor
Tom Cruise, "Tropic Thunder"
Robert Downey, Jr. "Tropic Thunder"
Ralph Fiennes, "The Duchess"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt"
Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight"

Best TV Actress, Drama
Sally Field, "Brothers and Sisters"
Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order: SVU"
January Jones, "Mad Men"
Anna Paquin, "True Blood"
Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"

Best TV Actor, Drama
Gabriel Byrne, "In Treatment"
Michael C. Hall, "Dexter"
Jon Hamm, "Mad Men"
Hugh Laurie, "House"
Jonathan Rhys-Meyes, "The Tudors"

Best TV Actress, Comedy
Christina Applegate, "Samantha Who?"
America Ferrera, "Ugly Betty"
Tina Fey, "30 Rock"
Debra Messing, "The Starter Wife"
Mary-Louise Parker, "Weeds"

Best TV Actor, Comedy
Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"
Steve Carell, "The Office"
Kevin Connolly, "Entourage"
David Duchovny, "Californication"
Tony Shalhoub, "Monk"

The McDouble?

McDonalds will now offer a double cheeseburger with only one slice of cheese. It will go by the name McDouble and you will save a whole dime. Sounds like a waste of menu space.

Click here to get the inside info.

3 Things To Know This Thursday

1. Is Rod nuts?

2. You can now have your dreams mapped.

3. Woman finds $97,000.00 in $1000 bills in a Cracker Barrel bathroom and returns it.


Best Hotel Ever

Prepare to be amazed. Click here.

Book Censored

The New Rochelle school district tore pages from Girl Interrupted to "protect the children". By that they mean the 18 year old seniors who had to compare the book to the movie of the same name starring Angelina Jolie. This assignment was difficult as integral parts of the story were destroyed when the school board deemed them inappropriate. crazy.

Click here to get the full story.

The Top 10 of Everything 2008

Time.com has released their annual Top 10 of Everything. Click here to check it out!

3 Things To Know This Monday

1. McDonald's same-store sales jumps again.

2. The internet could have stopped Hitler.

3. Obama tells gun owners to stop worrying, which makes me nervous.


Most Awesome Knit Thing Ever

Oh yes you are seeing that correctly, it is a severed horse head a la The Godfather.

If you'd like to make your own (and why wouldn't you) click here.

3 Things To Know This Thursday

1. We have Grammy Nominees.

2. The Google Phone can tell you where the flu is hiding.

3. Gun nuts stock up.


The Villain On The Biggest Loser

I don't know how many people actually watch The Biggest Loser but this year there is this horrible woman on the show. What makes it interesting is that it is such a positive show. Contestants try to get healthy and not just "win the game". The article details some typical reality show things she does on the show. I just thinks its funny that someone else noticed how terrible she is. Be warned the person who wrote the article takes The Biggest Loser WAY too seriously.

Click here to read it.

3 Things To Know This Tuesday

1. 'No comparison' to Great Depression, says Bernanke.

2. Michelle Obama to get really expensive ring from Barack.

3. Simon Cowell is being followed a little too close.


10 Wacky Doctors

Click here to laugh at some of the biggest medical nuts in history.

The Stitch Humidifier

Disney finds another way to use Stitch to make money (and its kind of awesome).

Click here to check it out.

3 Things To Know This Monday

1. The Wisconsin Dells are about to get their lake back.

2. Rosie O'Donnell crashes and burn.

3. It's Cyber Monday!